To date or not to date

I dislike old profiles on dating sites that I forgot I had. The reason I dislike dating sites is because people contact you about going on dates. Dates cost a lot of money and require talking to women. When I talk to women, usually I end up getting bed with those women. If I end up in bed with women I tend to develop feelings. The women turn into a woman, who if all goes well develops feelings for me. We are happy for awhile, then my natural self destructive personality leads me wreck the relationship. I get sad. The woman gets sad. She eats chocolate, drinks wine and rediscovers herself with her friends. I get under other women to get over the woman I had feelings over. I don't use a condom and then have 6 months of stress wondering if I have the HIV. To date or not to date.

The things I can never say.

There is so much you need to share to someone and you simply can't for reasons you can never truly explain. It is a secret you must carry with the rest of the million secrets you will carry with you all the days of your life. The only way to speak the truth and not have people realize what you are saying is through very, very, very good fiction. how much does the camera, the other person, the surroundings change the interaction or is each interaction unique to that object of viewer? Is it even real? If I were not there to observe it would it exist? Maybe all it can be is fiction. I just wish I could write my fiction without people thinking I am suicidal. Without someone saying go see a doctor. I always feel as if I am getting stuck trying to explain to people it is fiction done using modern medium of communication. With social media you can reduce the time needed interacting with people don't really like anyways. Logic tells us that you only have time for a couple of really close friends. You could never really share the most intimate moments of your life because somethings are not meant to be shared. Frankly sharing those moments would tell stories that are not yours to share. If you really thought about the implications of absolute truth in a public forum. The last refuge and home of the insane. Just because I can say I did something with someone doesn't mean that someone is ok with it. To respect the other person you have to make sure there is no identifying information. In fiction I can be anything from a suicidal crack whore which BTW I have never actually been. At least not in this life. Still what would the mind of a suicidal crack whore sound like. What variables caused that person to end up in that fate? I can also be kickass. So I am told by http://igebadia.com Gebadia Smith is my another one of my personalities or I it. We are not sure who was first or last. Social media is the only way we have to communicate with each other.

do bugs feel pain?

today there was a daddy long legs. it was underneath the ice bucket. i needed it to move so I could put down the ice bucket without killing it. my boss grabbed the daddy by the big old long legs and put it outside. inside I felt a pang as if I had lost a loved one even though it was a itty bitty wanna be spider. I always hated spiders. I still run like a little girl when I see one. the only reason my boss didn't fall on his ass laughing was because it was a daddy long legs and not those ugly, hairy and freaky spiders. if this was harry potter and you were a bogart standing in front of me, you would be a female spider with baby spiders hanging on to your bit old ass. it would take all of... there would be smoke, a very girly scream and then me running, likely hitting the wall. ouch.. it hurts.. if I say something stupid it is because running into a wall can make you stupid. all around us is the most amazing life you could ever imagine. sometimes I wonder how the very small see us and do they feel pain when we don't see them and they go squish? are they unique as my heart tells me so? more brilliant than us because they were able to find their geographic niche long before we found ours. does a part of you cry for the beings that we rarely see because we don't have 8 eyes..YUCK... it makes no sense until you see a little, itty, bitty spider swinging in the wind on a single strand of silk between a plant and the house a meter away. How the fuck does a spider get from point A to point B to connect the two structures? I am humbled how in that moment the creature I find the most hidious on planet is more beautiful in its element than anything I have ever seen in my own. a spider doesn't care about apps, facebook, twitter or having a 1000 digital friends. a spider has to create these huge webs to catch those annoying mosquitoes which are yummy in the tummy of the spider. strange cause I am an ass guy.. I should love the spider.. it is not normal to feel so much for something so small which makes me run away screaming like a girl. threatens to overwhelm me at times... to feel so much.. to walk through this world and wonder do bugs feel pain because I do when they go squish.. I am sorry... for my clumsy feat and loud screams that curl your 8 long legs..