My insides still are raw.. I wake up hoping to feel happy.. but it is the same demons that always come early in the morning.. I run for some vice.. something to distract me from the turmoil inside.. the voice that says I will always fail.. that feels no hope.. I simply don't want to be.. I cannot tell you why.. I can barely get these words out.. I just lay there hoping, staring at my inbox desperate for love.. from kindness from anyone .. but the only people that care are spam lords....they love me..
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Malta..walking in castles
tales of a fractured mind...
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Am I too hard on the kid?
Sometimes I think I am too hard on people. My old basketball coach said I would shut down if he was ever hard on me. It is hard sometimes for people with little confidence to not get down on themselves. I guess for me seeing Rocco not take things as serious as I think makes me mad. Maybe that is age talking because when I gave a speech at the end of my basketball career I could see all the times I went out instead of working out, I slept in instead of shooting a 1000 shots each day.. I took a shower instead of running wind sprints. That is the cruel irony of life.. the thing you wonder.. do we get another chance in some parallel reality even though deep down we know the scars inside likely would lead to the same place... Still at 33 I look back at my life and I ran from girl to girl trying desperately to find someone to love me enough so I would love me.. and they never do.. and it gets so much harder.. first love is hard to lose.. but so is the next one.. next one.. and the thing about life is as you get older you lose stuff.. things that use to give you joy don't and it is so much harder to get out of the funk... When I look at Rocco I see a kid who has natural talent and heart... I also see someone who is so lost in terms of who he is that right now he seems to be searching for something.. and maybe that is why he is not ready to be a rock star.. it would destroy him the pressure of it.. I just don't want him to throw it away.. to live with the regret I do.. but the thing is about being great at something you have to give u so much.. your music has to come first and you have to be willing to make it happen yourself. It is not babes and beer until you have spent 18 hours a day making a song perfect for 2 weeks... being great.. making the rock n roll hall of fame doesn't just happen anymore.... you have to want it not in words but in action.. when your friends go out you are at home working on your craft.. when some bad hot girl wants to date you have to walk away and say sorry I have things I want to accomplish in life.. when your parents fight is when you turn on the music and sing... Maybe it is confidence.. maybe Rocco needs the adoration of friends and fans because the rest of his life makes him sad.. the consequences of having someone say I do not love you.. the most horrible thing in the world to hear.. it rips at you inside.. and you feel like there is something wrong with you cause you can't let go so easily.. cause it always hurts.. and all you want is to not feel anything.. and the music drowns out the noise inside... Which I get.. which I struggle with too.. broken people trying to make dreams happen... and I can't help him.. cause he has to reach that point in his life where he hates letting anyone make him feel that way.. where he is tired of depending on other people to make him feel good about himself... and he takes his life into his own hands... because I can't make rocco a star.. I can only guide him along the right path.. he has to do the work....so I am giving this to god to figure out... when I have 10 covers of just rocco singing in his room... videos.. of that.. then I will know he is serious.. until then a prayer for him I would ask...
tales of a fractured mind...
question me: http://gebadia.com
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http://gebula.com
(all blogs feed this one)
tales of a fractured mind...
question me: http://gebadia.com
fan me: http://facebook.com/cybersweetness
sub me: http://youtube.com/gebalove
follow me: http://twitter.com/gebalove
blog me: http://gebalove.com
live me: http://www.ustream.tv/togocats
shirt me: http://www.zazzle.com/togocats
mic me: http://bit.ly/8XVvPR
brand me: http://gebacards.comone to rule them all...
http://gebula.com
(all blogs feed this one)
I broke up with the girl which you could know,,
Women make men crazy and you make a fortune off it. It is sickening I tell you how easier it is now to be a fool who fell for a girl on the other side of the world. Imagine that, that two people should meet online, as the world has gone social this was a natural evolution. Now my question to you.. and I am asking this of you because you are the best I have used, still has some really huge bugs that I am going to tell you how to fix.. Why.. because it should be easier to send flowers.. so if you have a moment perhaps you might simply read... absorb...I am like a nice wine you drink after running out of beer..Lets talk service: With Facebook connect, twitter connect, google connect you would get a tone of geographic and social info.. like perhaps I am not still with the girl a year later. nothing sucks like that email.. It would of been much cooler if you could make it send your friend flowers or chocolates. have you considered working with zchocolates which they can deliver anywhere in the world. Toys, games... you have the infrastructure for it do you know with your flower side service. Old books would be cool. Lots of old bookstores around. There is so much more you can do.. And the cool thing is you offer 3 types of discounts.
5% if you tweet
5% in you add to your facebook feed
5% if you do a youtube video on itI still wouldn't do it because I am private that way.. and you could offer post x date notice.. meaning you won't tweet, just have the user send a video after and get a paypal discount. Have you seen ijustine. She is super hot tech nerd who made it cool to dance in an apple store.. it has given apple millions of dollars in free publicity.Zcholcolates could offer a post deliver dance I am high on chocolate discount. All you have to do is send us a link to verify you did a video and we will pay you for the marketing 5%, or even just a bit.ly short url which they can add to any feed. that is how amazon is making a killing. That changes the whole game. I can link to almost anything.. me dancing to a song is me selling that song. Just imagine this. Flora handles my love life. I am a man and lets face it we need a lot of help. Dates, times, things they like and dislike.. somedays it is so hard to remember all the crazy ass things woman expect of men. how about a private DM say take your fuckin pill.. lol.. harry potter like screamers.. Each store.. let us go back to where the dream began. Flower people are this strange and magical bunch.. cause they know the guy has no idea what he is doing.. that is what flowers say.. hi I am a dumbass male.. these looked pretty.. here.. want to have sex.. It takes a special person to mix flowers together. It would be cool to learn more... more you say I say all it takes is a web cam and a PC.. Microsoft says we are all PC's.. the same. personally I say we are more like apples.. unique individuals.. I am not some dam robot.. like everyone else.. I will not assimulate.. I am igebadia.. and I am blogging about your site.. so I thought I would email it.. I am the crazy man of the internet.. from a parallel galaxy I have come to earth to find the 5 daughters of chaos... To stop the googolians.. not google silly... that is the mean life a vampire.. it is the one thing that was different.. they live almost forever.. the ones we kill lower the mean life.. but they are fantastic at using the inhabitants of a planit to mine it of all natural resources and then they essentially make bloodwine out of the people.. who just think the process is well like the perfect streetdrug.. what you don't really think it was the crooks who invented crystal meth do you.. comeon.. all it took was a recipe.. the rest... always idiots in this world...
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5% if you tweet
5% in you add to your facebook feed
5% if you do a youtube video on itI still wouldn't do it because I am private that way.. and you could offer post x date notice.. meaning you won't tweet, just have the user send a video after and get a paypal discount. Have you seen ijustine. She is super hot tech nerd who made it cool to dance in an apple store.. it has given apple millions of dollars in free publicity.Zcholcolates could offer a post deliver dance I am high on chocolate discount. All you have to do is send us a link to verify you did a video and we will pay you for the marketing 5%, or even just a bit.ly short url which they can add to any feed. that is how amazon is making a killing. That changes the whole game. I can link to almost anything.. me dancing to a song is me selling that song. Just imagine this. Flora handles my love life. I am a man and lets face it we need a lot of help. Dates, times, things they like and dislike.. somedays it is so hard to remember all the crazy ass things woman expect of men. how about a private DM say take your fuckin pill.. lol.. harry potter like screamers.. Each store.. let us go back to where the dream began. Flower people are this strange and magical bunch.. cause they know the guy has no idea what he is doing.. that is what flowers say.. hi I am a dumbass male.. these looked pretty.. here.. want to have sex.. It takes a special person to mix flowers together. It would be cool to learn more... more you say I say all it takes is a web cam and a PC.. Microsoft says we are all PC's.. the same. personally I say we are more like apples.. unique individuals.. I am not some dam robot.. like everyone else.. I will not assimulate.. I am igebadia.. and I am blogging about your site.. so I thought I would email it.. I am the crazy man of the internet.. from a parallel galaxy I have come to earth to find the 5 daughters of chaos... To stop the googolians.. not google silly... that is the mean life a vampire.. it is the one thing that was different.. they live almost forever.. the ones we kill lower the mean life.. but they are fantastic at using the inhabitants of a planit to mine it of all natural resources and then they essentially make bloodwine out of the people.. who just think the process is well like the perfect streetdrug.. what you don't really think it was the crooks who invented crystal meth do you.. comeon.. all it took was a recipe.. the rest... always idiots in this world...
What to do when a girl calls the cops on you for being an idiot?
There I was in Mexico, next to my favorite palm tree, two margirittas next to me with a good book... then bam.. all of a sudden out of no where comes this Elvis looking kid talking about how he wants to be a rock star... am I from Canada, do I know anyone who can help him, by the way my ex got a restraining order against me.. I smsed anyways on xmas and she returned it saying she never wants to hear from me again. Then he goes on to tell me all about their relationship.. as he does everyone he talks to.. you have to laugh I suppose cause it was like looking in the mirrior. Getting your heart broken is one thing, having them go to the cops because we don't have enoough confidence to walk away is another. It is the curse of the poet.. the singer... the artist.. we feel more and thus the loss becomes so huge that we are desperate to not feel it again or maybe she is just a cruel bitch... not that it matters.. because the key to being alright, being successful in life has nothing to do with anyone else. It is about us, about being ok with who we are... It would be easy for me to make up many good reasons for not walking away in time... a tragic childhood, being fat, ugly and having a small dick.. but at the end of the day none of them hold any water.. love or not knowing how to deal with the loss of love made you a little insane.. and when other people.. not even the police, but other people start having to get involved maybe it is time to just take a step back and focus on you.. say fuck her and focus on likely yourself a little more.. which you wish you could do but you don't really know how.. how the hell does one let go.. well to be honest, as a guy, lots of safe sex but you have to be careful cause you are not ready to date so you need to not fall for the girl you have sex with. Don't lie to her either, just tell her you are looking for some safe rebound fun... and do your thing... many times...have a dozen rebound girls if you need to.. but do not date cause it will end the same way.. You got to take control of your life... figure out what you want for this life and make it happen. In his case it should be school and music.. make those two things the priority because they will keep doors open.. and the most important thing is learn from your past.. do not hide from it.. I always tell people about my past.. they have the right to know if they are investing their hearts into the relationship and girls appreciate honesty.. and USE A CONDOM.. all the time.. why would you kill yourself for some girl.. unless it was a heroic situation... sorry god.. I was stupid, stuck my dick in a girl and then my dick got the hiv, making it impossible to have sex so it punched me in the balls until I died.. Your an idiot god would say.. see that hole, going down to where you hear the music.. we call it sweat yoga... what he doesn't tell you of course is you will have to do hot yoga for eternity, surrounded by hot girls you can never have sex with.. and you can't even masturbate.. This is igebadia.. the master of the heart and how to fuck up relationships... tell your mother if she is hot.. your sister if she is over 18..
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dreams that never happened
I have always dreamed of falling in love with the girl next door.. I suppose I have a lot of dreams that have died since I was young.. since I realized that I am eternally flawed in a way that will not heal..
Posted via email from a fractured mind...
Read More!Fuck you to all the woman in this world
I have finally after 33 years figured out woman. They are all fucked in the head. That is right, fucked in the head. You want to get a girl don't treat her good, don't give her compliments, don't make her feel good about herself, don't do any of that nice stuff. If you do all girls, ALL of them will walk the fuck over you...
Here I am talking to this girl who admits to me she finds this guy who is an absolute dog, a dog's dog, and she knows knows it, that he is attractive to her... are you fuckin kidding me I think to myself... the guy has kids he has never seen.. has stories that make a guy like me cringe.. I mean to other guys he is nice but to girls he is so rude.. and the fucked up thing is it works.. be an ass to girls.. I think about my own life.. I think about the last girl I was with and how she basically treated me like fucken crap while I did everything for that girl.. It is sad cause the only girl that ever treated me good was the girl I was an asshole to.. sure I could adopt god.. fake it, pray, not think for myself, ignore the fact that religion has ripped the world apart.. but hey I can't be that fucken fake... Woman want to know why men treat them bad.. there is a point in a man's like when they wake the fuck up and realize that to get a girl you have to kill the nice guy.. WELL FUCK you woman, I will never do that and so I say good bye.. I am done with dating.. with fucking.. with touching.. with anything to do with your idiot sex.. I use to be a nice guy and then I woke the fuck up... They call me igebadia and today I am liberating myself from the FUCKEN vagina...Posted via email from a fractured mind...
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