That is the hardest thing when you have a whole life of pain is when you meet someone special... who sees something good in you... it is so foreign you instantly reject it.. all your logic rejects it... I could write a book about my past.. and all the people in my life who supposedly cared about me who left me.. my sisters.... my friends... my father... they all leave me and I am left alone trying to make sense of this world. I just wanted to die for so long.. and now maybe if I am dead then my mother can collect my life insurance so she is not in debt for my facebook application cybersweetness which I don't have enough money to finish... I am $250 000 in debt... I have to create my own job selling software to industry... one product which will make your console graphics in process PI graphics and then a googlemini like network search for industrial sites which can read CAD files.. and like 300 more file types... lol...
I know you don't know what that is... if you work in a powerplant or an industrial site with lots of computers say hi... just the enormity of it is too much... I have to move to Malta and I need a miracle...
All I do is doubt myself...
