See it costs Malta girl around a Euro to SMS me good morning, goodnight or once a day... maybe less... and unless I text her a few times she never texts me. I could send her flowers... send her chocolates and still I am not worth a Euro thank you.. yah I am that pathetic that I have to accept such scraps.. I always accept scraps from people. I have to beg for people to like me... not love because based on experience I am unlovable... you might say I am feeling sorry for myself but the problem is because I had a bad childhood I couldn't get close to people.. then came the depression and you wake up one day and you are terrifed of people but incredibly lonely problem is one person can never make up for the lonely... they all treat me the same... I am ok sometimes but few people really want to know me.. she was all in for 2 weeks.. and it was the best time of my life because she took 10 minutes a day to talk to me.. I had friend each day.. I don't have that anymore.. and it isn't her fault.. there is something wrong with me... I am fucked.. messed in the head.. insane too much.. I am lucky she wants to know me... In time I will find my place...I think it will be amoung the poor of the world.. I am going to find my way to Malta.. help malta girl get her dreams and then I am going to disapear.. spend my life in some orphanage teaching children.. helping people...it is the only place I fit in this world... around people who are fucked like me.. people who grow up with a hole in their hearts feeling unloved..
and I am sad today.. do not blame Gypsy girl.. she tried and tries more than most but the chasm in my heart.. the loneliness is too much for most people.. I will always be alone because the way I am broken never gets fixed...
