I am not insecure when I say the chances of you falling in love with me are slim to none. You have seen the most broken parts of me and clingy is not an attractive quality. I am just being realistic. I look at how easy it was for you to switch to friendship and it is clear whereas it was magic for me, you were merely caught up in the moment of having a man go all out over you. I imagine you can look around your perfectly clean room and see remnants of a man who loves you dearly. That is just me honest.
You always say gebadia don't make me your world and that is the hardest thing for me because it wasn't pretty words when I said I dreamed of you my whole life. You are everything I want in a woman and more. Except for one thing..u don't love me back.. Not your fault.
The reason I bring this up is not ecause I am trying to make you feel bad but because it does change things. See I can't promis you that when I move to malta I will be able to be a social butterfly like you. I can't promise you I will be able to hang with u and ur friends. I can't promise you I will be able to go for walks with you and ur parents. I can't promise you I will be able to sit in a church with you because I don't know.
When love was possible, when there was hope it was different. See I am ok with friendship, with us having time once inawhile to talk, to share a dance, to travel. You will always be my anchor in a way.. But see.. I am scared to be honest, scared you will not understand my words..but alas email is all I have so perhaps god can grant you understanding.
All that you have, a father, a mother, firends make this big wonderful family full of love. Something I have wanted my whole life. The hardest part about comming back from malta was people seeing me sad. I only know one way to be around you. It will always be obvious how I feel. And so someday you will find a boy.. And you will tell me and if I am use to hanging with ur friends, if I am use to having coffee with your father it would not be just from you my heart will break but from having to let go of all that joy I felt from being around such love and I might not surive that....
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