Reality of love and me

Each day I go to bed hoping she will write, each morning I awake feeling like I did christmas morning.. Running down the stairs to the presents under the tree.. I grab my blackberry, look for the red star over the email or sms. Eagerly I click it open, hoping to see gyspy princess... Too often I see spam. And it feels like the devistation of seeing no presents under the tree.. In the past in that moment of sadness..my phone would come alive..sms and emails to her a plenty.. Then the guilt, the doubt, the pain become alive and the rest of the day is spent trying to undo the first message text or email sent in wild pain. Then I wait, swallowing gravol like they r mandm's trying to numb the fear in my heart. I lay there numb hoping she will forgive me one more time hoping against all odds I didn't blow my chance if any chance with this girl doth exist.

Today was a good day.. I am scared to fall asleep for what will tomorrow bring.. Will ther be presents beneath the the tree..

See I am cursed when it comes to love. I have felt more for this girll than any other.. Ever since she first appeared in my feed the wildness of love has been raging inside my broken heart. Broken from childhood..but how can she ever love me when there is so much about myself I hate..

My heart is my curse.. I don't listen to music because I am afraid to feel. I cannot watch shows with a father daughter because that is a dream I will never have. I cannot kiss another girl because if I were to open my eyes and it were not her..my heart would break..

To love someone enough to be there friend.. I am cursed.. To star forever at u blackberry at u gmail, always hoping..always dreaming.. Always crying knowing that for me the one thing, the only thing I want in this whole world, love for me shall never be for she sees me as a friend..

And yet as I write this I know I am not alone.. I know that a lot of the geeks online have been a friend when they want more.. The problem with me is I can never settle and even girls I would of given anything to be with in the past are settling compared to my gypsy princess..

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network