It is the same thing every morning. I wake up and decide do I have enough courage to get up and go to work today. Somedays it is yes, others it is no. The fear resides in the right side of my chest. Panic attacks where I feel this pain there. When they hit I have to think of a reason not to go to work because my boss and the people in my office, the highly educated people do not believe in such things as depression, social anxiety disorder or Seasonal Affective Disorder. They don't believe people can experience such pain in life that it can break them in ways where help is not so easy to find..
Truth is there is no real use trying to explain depression or real childhood issues to people who have lived normal lives. They rarely take the time to listen, they rarely really want to understand. Instead they use our confessions against us. Some might treat us like leopards... or like boss use it against me saying why are you emotional, are you not on your meds.. my own family has said such a thing. It is why I do not talk to my sister. She can't handle people have real problems...
See people who have suffered from depression know it is the most horrible thing in the world. To not be able to feel happiness... hopelessness... then it takes things from you. Friends are no longer friends, family is no longer family... or maybe it is me pushing people away because I lost the ability to trust at a young age..
So you can never relax around people, always afraid one mistake and they will leave... it becomes a mess of emotions... love.. the one thing we lack in our lives perhaps... it is too strong, too scary because love is such a precursor to sadness and if you feel depression... if you can be that sad you know how wonderful the highs are and how far you fall when it goes away.. you almost don't want to be happy. happiness scares you...
Sadness you learn to dull the pain so you can survive a life of pills, green smoke... and a TV filling up the silence...
And if you were unable to make close friends.. then you have nobody to disturb you... Tuesdays are the best for me.. cause that is when the new releases are in... but I have to be careful the wrong movie... and I will get sad... I don't dare listen to music either...
People ask me why I built this app.. for me it is to move to Malta... because there I have a friend... who makes me smile... who I can talk to about anything... and know she will still give me a hug after.... there I can maybe live on a boat... the ocean, it soothes my soul... I want to each sushi with her.... talk of god... of sunsets...of places to travel... I want to cry in her arms... listen to her dad ramble on about shit... have to smell her sisters farts....
That is what is www.CyberSweetness.com... if you want to help.. just tell people about this app, what would the top website be in the world if 100 000 people added the app?
Truth is there is no real use trying to explain depression or real childhood issues to people who have lived normal lives. They rarely take the time to listen, they rarely really want to understand. Instead they use our confessions against us. Some might treat us like leopards... or like boss use it against me saying why are you emotional, are you not on your meds.. my own family has said such a thing. It is why I do not talk to my sister. She can't handle people have real problems...
See people who have suffered from depression know it is the most horrible thing in the world. To not be able to feel happiness... hopelessness... then it takes things from you. Friends are no longer friends, family is no longer family... or maybe it is me pushing people away because I lost the ability to trust at a young age..
So you can never relax around people, always afraid one mistake and they will leave... it becomes a mess of emotions... love.. the one thing we lack in our lives perhaps... it is too strong, too scary because love is such a precursor to sadness and if you feel depression... if you can be that sad you know how wonderful the highs are and how far you fall when it goes away.. you almost don't want to be happy. happiness scares you...
Sadness you learn to dull the pain so you can survive a life of pills, green smoke... and a TV filling up the silence...
And if you were unable to make close friends.. then you have nobody to disturb you... Tuesdays are the best for me.. cause that is when the new releases are in... but I have to be careful the wrong movie... and I will get sad... I don't dare listen to music either...
People ask me why I built this app.. for me it is to move to Malta... because there I have a friend... who makes me smile... who I can talk to about anything... and know she will still give me a hug after.... there I can maybe live on a boat... the ocean, it soothes my soul... I want to each sushi with her.... talk of god... of sunsets...of places to travel... I want to cry in her arms... listen to her dad ramble on about shit... have to smell her sisters farts....
That is what is www.CyberSweetness.com... if you want to help.. just tell people about this app, what would the top website be in the world if 100 000 people added the app?
Posted via email from Gebalove
