Girl at my work commented on how I actualy showed up to sing the boss happy birthday calling me antisocial. I hate it when people point out things like that.... like their is something wrong with me.. I just don't like hanging around a bunch of uptight, old fashioned, boring judgemental people. Plus I don't do well in large groups of people. I really don't know how to act, what to say... I am too blunt, too honest, too me..
I get flustered... guy and girl... I call woman girls.. it pisses them off.. its just me.. this adversion to the word man and woman... seems so old...shrink once said in some ways I am still a child because of shit that happened... he told me to write to myself... I said I already talk to myself and now you want me to write to myself... dam.. never did though.. girl said she was doing this revision of a play she did last year and I said what in the nude since they didn't get a lot of fans the first time which begs the question why do anything remotely the same this time, she gave me a look, he gave me a look and they both left. He said I have an odd way of dealing with people...
Having trouble breathing right now...panic attacks are coming.. the meds don't get rid of it, just change it to where it almost tickles, my chest is being sucked in, my stomach too.. it is hard to breath.. the right side of my neck is tight, maybe I am having a stroke... could be because the meds I am taking is 2 years past its due date... but I just don't have it in me to go to the doctors... like I failed or something...maybe I will call across the street and see if they have any meds on file for me...they don't...
My eyes are watering and now and my muscles shake a little... like I have a nervous twitch...
On hold right now for the doctors office... figure I should make an appointment because I coudl be posioning myself.. fun..fun.. till you end up in a coffin...lol...I imagine some people are going to worry at this statement..
And they would be right to do so...lol... called the pharmacy and they said some of the active ingredients can harm the body... yahhhh... shucky darn... another small fortune for drugs I cannot afford...
Maybe that is why the right side of my body feels...well funny... leave it to me to poision myself...
The sweats are coming... fun fun fun... sometimes my eyes water...
And please don't worry... my words come from this place and by sharing them in a way I free myself from them.. I have hid this stuff my whole life.. never letting anyone know me... and I am tried of hiding.. why should I.. why the fuck should I pretend I am this perfectly put together person.. part of the problem with this world is we wear these masks.. for what...
And I flipped out at some guy in this depression group...I hate it when you try to talk to people about depression and they say stuff like smile in a mirrior... I am a guy... unless I see a naked girl staring back, why would I smile at my ugly mug? Makes no sense...
Another day in the life of a facebook developer trying to make his fortune with a Facebook app... I am going to use mind control now so prepare for it... in a deep voice.. you will go to my facebook app http://cybersweetness.com you will add yourself as a fan, you will click go to application, you will add your favorite websites, you will go to application settings and add the profile box... then you will go to my youtube page http://urlpirates.com and subscribe... and you will do this right now....
you could also go to http://gebalove.com or http://urlpirates.com and subscribe... up to you I suppose..
Posted via email from Gebalove
