My insides hurt

I have never been one to hold back.. to play the game.. I would always send encouraging quotes, say nice things, send flowers and try to help people see the good in them.. the problem was I never got it back.  It is like with Malta girl... she calls herself my friend but she never takes the time to text me back saying it cost too much, she rarely takes the time to really see how I am other than I hope you are doing well.. which is basically saying I care enough to mention you but if your not well ... who cares... her spending 15 minutes with you on chat is like this big thing.. when it would be normal for 90% of the other people in the world and not be this huge sacrifice on her part... with her I am always last.. or at least that is how she always makes me feel, like the least important person in her life.  And so today for the first time in my life I am not going to text her a quote or a nice message, I am not going to email her... I am simply going to let things be... and if she wants to know me.. if she wants to be my friend then it up to her to come to me cause I have nothing left to give.. I am a completely broken man.. she made me a yoyo and it destroyed me inside... she says I have trouble with trust but how could anyone trust someone who one day says one thing and the next day changes her mind... I do hope we become friends.. but I know inside I will never let myself feel love again.. I will never be able to look at a woman and utter those words or let myself feel love for if anyone utter those words to me I would walk away.. run away because I could never believe they would be real.. love for me is not a reality I want and yet it is all I want but I am too shattered inside.. I am out of ducktape or faith...

Posted via email from Gebalove