Sad again

It is funny how badly sunny days and cloudy days affect me.. it is as if the rain is falling right upon me.. I hate the mornings the worst... to look at my email and see how so few care to know I am alive.. people who would call be friends yet never care to see how I am... I think I am going to go into a caccoon.. to disapear.. to never touch another... I have thought about this a lot lately.. about love.. about why I will never dare to love another and I have come to the conclusion that love has always been a curse for me.  I have never sat there and simply enjoyed what should be enjoyed right.  It has always left me feeling afraid... and then crushed when it leaves.. as it must with me.  I will nefver love again.  I will never let my heart feel that way for another because I will not survive the next fall.  I have lost too much already to love... I simply try to get up each day and survive.. this long weekend will be the same as all the previous... I will lay upon my couch watching videos trying to work with a brain full of green smoke.. just hoping to get through the day... I am a broken man... I fear I will always be a broken man...

Posted via email from Gebalove