Everyday is the same

I sleep with my laptop.... I wake early and see if she wrote.. she doesn't... her sister does but not her.. my heart is torn... I take some pills to fall back asleep.. I wish I could take some pills and sleep through this space we are taking.. I wake up again and still no words... only more subs on youtube.. the love of an audience that is as fickle as my next video.. the phone rings and I don't even look to see who it is.. nobody ever calls.. my sadness has caused me everyone I ever loved.  I am alone in this world. If I were to die today who would come to my funeral.. just those that are suppose to.. family that disowned me... I am alone.. always alone in this world... perhaps god is watching me... laughing at me.. I want to know why he made me.. why did he curse my life when I was young.. why did he make me into this pathetic man I am so desperate to feel love but to never have love... unable to believe anyone could love me... it is my life... I was watching TV and this guy had a heart attack.. I thought about it and longed for the same kind of joy.. and end....

Posted via email from Gebalove