Things we never say

It is funny how Malta girl says I restored her faith in male female ever after love because she restored my faith in friendship... just she destroyed my faith in ever after love.. she treated me like a yoyo.. one day she was into me and the next she was not... over and over she did this... I wish I had the heart to describe in detail the words she said and then how she took it away.. I don't blame her... I blame myself... see in the end she gave the next guy everything I wanted... everything every other guy gets but me... and I can't tell her how that broke me... how it confirmed inside me that I do not deserve love... that when you see others get what you should have it proves that you are not worth that...  we are friends yes... but friends is all I will ever be with anyone..  I will never let another person hug me.. I will never kiss another person, hold another person.... I simple will never believe I am worth love... I will never let myself dare to think I am worth love... cause my life has told me I am not worth that.... evidence is to overwhelming... I just need to get enough money together to leave this place edmonton... buy a small house... and disapear... because when I am gone I shall never return... I shall never write.. I shall never call... I will just fade into the nothing I am.... maybe then I can simply forget I ever existed because when I pray it is that I pray for.. to never have been...

Posted via email from Gebalove