I just wish I could start over.. you know do life again but have the knowledge I have now.. maybe not.. but part of me hopes that their is another world.. where things get to go differently. I took some pills to make me sleep.. I do this sometimes.. it is 11 AM.. my back is in pain.. but the problem is I am so bloody bored. Most people like sleep.. me it is simply an escape from time. My life in a nutshell is I get up.. check to see if anyone I know emailed me. 90% of the time it is spam.. and now that I have taken a break from doing videos I don't even have youtube comments not that they are real. For us the lonely they are often a poor persons heroin for the soul.. but it is not real.. these people don't know you, they only know what I let them see and when you put a camera on us we are all different.. people call me couragous.. I get emails saying I inspire people.. Just here in this place edmonton.. I look outside and I find no hope.. I am looking for a job.. but it matters little if I must stay here.. I just want to be free of the wieght of debt.. I would be happy in a small hut by the side of the ocean where I could wake up and see the sun.. I am like superman in that I need the sun.... I would throw on a pair of shorts... lay in the waves for 30 minutes.. take a shower and head to work.. that would be the life for me.. but to do that I have to beat my fractured mind, my duck taped heart and keep at this blog and video stuff. I just don't want to go back to youtube.. it makes me lose faith in humanity.. the darkness that permeates the web troubles me.. you more often than not see the dark parts of people's soul..
Ihate my stories.. the guy ones but I just want to tell my story.. my life all of it once. I want one person to truly know me.. I just wish it didn't have to be on youtube.. just how else to find a way to my dreams... there are few jobs for a person with no degree even though I would suggest I know more about social networks than those teaching it in university.. I remember they made this big deal about this stanford professor writing a book on it and the thing is the real experts on social netowrks likely have not had sex yet.. Anyways I am off to take a nap... This is my kitty.. simaris.. he is my knight.. when I am sad he always keeps me company.. my dogs on the other hand always make me smile with how much they love to play with me.. even though I usually end up something they stand on... Remember get your penis checked every 6 months.. last thing you want to do is kill someone you love because you were a coward.. last thing you want to do is harm your penis.. they call me http://youtube.com/gebalove